Tick-Tock (No i'm not Kei$ha.)

I went out of town this weekend to indulge in my annual nerdyness. It's always a positive thing to extract myself from the day-to-day and do something a little bit different, with new people and new surroundings. There is just something about it that rattles your brain a little and allows you to re-focus. I am not sure how everyone else in the world operates, but to me vacations, no matter how small are a must. I know that there are a lot of people now that do not take vacations away from their work or routine due to money or time limitations. Well I am the caped crusader of vacations here to say "just do it" in a Non-Nike copyright sort of way. There is something to be said for perspective. Making more money at your job cannot buy you the perspective a week of peace sitting on a beach can. Some things in life cost money, others cost time. The things that cost the most money are often the things designed to save you the most time so that you are able to make more money to continue contributing to this vicious cycle.
A few of you may know my biggest pet-peeve of all time. Waiting. What you may not know is that this peeve was originally brought to the forefront of my mind by my brother. He said to me one day "I hate waiting because you can pay me back for a lot of things, but one thing you cannot refund to someone is their time." Well it really struck home to me. I am a very punctual person, always have been. I can't say as much for the other members of my family. There is a very solid truth in this statement. Lots of things can be refunded or replaced so long as you hang on to your receipt, except our time. We all have an allotted amount of time in this world, and we must decide how we will spend it. So I find myself growing more and more irritated by the second when I am stuck twiddling my thumbs waiting on someone to show up for something that is scheduled. They are making good use of their time, but think nothing of wasting mine. This being said, I feel that time and how we use it, is much more precious then how we use those green, greasy, wrinkled, dirty slips of paper we are always fixated on stuffing into our pockets. I choose to spend as much time as I can speaking to, and being around people that are important to me. Sometimes, I even spend some of that time simply on myself. Call it vanity but sometimes you just need it. Time heals wounds, creates both past and future, it is the basis for our memories, and the thing we are constantly running towards. It is the lord over our days and what we often plan our lives around. We cannot escape it so long as we are living. So be a good steward of your time, not just your wallet. What can you do for yourself or for others that is actually WORTH spending your limited time on? Put some thought into it next time you are scheduling yourself into oblivion. What are your priorities, what is really most important?

What does God want? Who is He?

Some of you will be interested; while some of you will prefer to run quickly in the other direction. Today's topic lands on the page of religion. So this is your warning to turn tail and run, or to continue reading with an open heart.

I am generally a very private person when it comes to my spiritual life and what is transpiring within. I feel particularly compelled, however, to share this. In regards to my writing and topic searching I have been praying earnestly to see what it is I am meant to say to the world. As of late, the topic that has been resting heavily on my mind is the character of God. We all know that His character is too multi-faceted to understand, but I know that there are parts we can come to know intimately. These parts He shows us are probably unique to every individual depending on our needs. Not to say His character ever changes, simply implying that He revels the part of Himself to us that we most need to understand and rely on.

I am a very worrisome person. All I usually accomplish in a day is a wagon full of worrying and stress. I know that logically, worrying about something will never change that thing, but I just cannot seem to overcome those natural reactions in my character. I worry about people who are traveling, I worry about the cat I saw on the side of the road, I worry about the person who I last saw showing the smallest sign of discomfort in their face. It doesn't matter who or what, I will worry. I can have a month to write a poem, and I would stress about it every hour of every day. I worry about the government, I worry about where it is going and where it is leading us. I worry about that every day to the point of making myself very stressed and very angry. All that being said, I will progress onto the heart of my story.

I was in my car, driving down the roads I drive almost every day, seeing the same sights. Living in Belmont, you get used to seeing people walking. Everyone in Belmont seems to walk at all hours. It is a very quiet town, and the people are, for the most part, very friendly. On the side of the street, stopped on the side walk I noticed a little girl and her mother. The child appeared to be about 4 or 5, long blonde hair, classic little girl pink frilly clothes. Her mom was kneeling down, and the little girls arms were wrapped around her neck. The child's mouth was turned down in a frown, her face was red, and you could tell she had been crying. I do not know what transpired prior, I only imagine she fell down. Her mom was wrapping her up in her arms and holding her close, she picked her up off her feet, and rocked her. You could see the child's fear subsiding as she clung close around her mothers neck. As I continued by I thought; "It must be a wonderful feeling for that mother, to have a child she loves more than anything. It must be fantastic to know, to one person you are their world and their everything. Her daughter depends on her for everything, Mom can make any situation better, she can make any hurt go away, she can make any worry disappear just by being there. What an amazing feeling it must be, to be the protector, the provider, and the comforting blanket to someone you love. To know that, for a time, you will be their everything." Like a whisper through my mind tricking like water into my heart I hear.. "and that is why I created all of you, that is why I choose to love all of you, and that is why I ask for the faith of a child."

In that moment everything clicked. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard and thought on what it meant to have child like faith in God. It is total dependence, it is letting go, it is holding tight around His neck and knowing that nothing can ever befall you when He is there. He is your comfort, and protector. The things I worry for are better off in His care, not mine. I remember what it was to be a child, to play outside all day and never even dream of worrying about what I had to do tomorrow, or when dinner would be ready or where it would come from. I didn't worry about my dad getting home from work, I knew when 6 o'clock came, he would be there standing in the door way. I had parents to take care of everything I needed, and I had total faith in that, it was a completely alien feeling to worry about anything that was in their hands. Can you remember those feelings? Can you remember crawling into your bed at night and simply falling asleep, not fretting about what tomorrow requires. Everything is already taken care of.

It was an amazing realization to me to know that God wants to be that for us. He did not call himself "Father" and us his children for no reason. He was not mistaken in asking us to have childlike faith. He was being very literal. He wanted us to let go, to step back into that blissful state of being, to live with no fears and no regrets. Our provisions our comfort and our care are all in His hands, and He desires for them to be. He wants to be our refuge and our strength. He wants to hold all the things in His hands that we were trying to protect ourselves. If we can rely on Him like a father, we know he can take much better care of the things we hold dear than we ever could. We break our toys, our parents fix them and dry our tears. How precious is He? How amazing is it to understand what He desires to be towards us? All we have to do is take a step back into His arms and let go.

Distractions

So who is excited? I just learned how to post pictures to my blog via my Cellphone. That means my posts are going to come with pictures! Eventually anyway. I just couldn't think of an int resting picture that even half way related to my topic for today. I'd even settle for loosely connected.

It has been brought to my attention that I am, apparently, a distraction to all work. Not to say that I do not work, because I do. Or I at least try to between people approaching my desk and talking to me about anything and everything that could have happened to them. I was actually informed recently that before I began my job, that no one talked to anyone very often at all. To be a little more clear, I believe it is more that everyone took their job more seriously before I started working in the office. Everyone knew their titles and positions, and everyone focused only on their high class work etiquette. Now before you all get the wrong idea and start thinking I am some sort of over-sized shoe waring clown let me give you my take on the situation.

For those of you who know me, I am fairly sure that the majority of you would all agree upon one thing about me. I am a nerd. The other thing I think most of you would also admit to, and perhaps have been embarrassed about (by me) is: I am a nerd and I have no qualms owning up to it. I am known to put it on display in the front window of my life-store on the corner of the busiest intersection. The thing about being yourself, and not being ashamed of your character traits, even if they aren't the most popular ones, is that you have the ability to make others feel secure in being who they are. If you can accept yourself for who you are (let's face it, sometimes it is harder to accept yourself for being who you are than it is to accept and allow someone else to be the goofy one) you will put a lot of people around you at ease.

There is always a time and place for professionalism, and there is always a time to work. There is a time to be serious, and all of these things I realize. In this society, in order to get by, we have moved work to the top of our list of importance. It is how/where we spend 85-90% of our day. I believe that is not a good thing. Everything should be practiced in moderation. Work is not an exception to this rule. Work is a necessity to a happy life, not only does it provide for us the money we need, but it has a hand in developing us mentally and socially as people. It keeps us from being lazy or bored, and hopefully keeps our minds sharp. Work has, however, come to be our lives, living to work instead of working to live. I believe this is all out of order. Working to support your family is a noble cause. My father dedicated 35 years of his life to one company, He worked from the time he got up to the time he went to bed. I never knew much about him because I never saw him. He was our provider and we have the house and clothes we have today only because of his hard work. I can tell you honestly, I would trade most of what I own to have a history with my father. To know him like I know my mom, to have a parent child relationship that we lack. We are often just two strangers living in the same house. I show him the respect that is due but it has never gone farther than that. I think that is a high price to pay for money. Work needs to be practiced in moderation. I've gotten semi-off topic.

All I mean to say is that you should love who you are at the core of it all. It doesn't matter if it is not a thing that is socially "cool" it is who you are, and it takes all types. When you can embrace and love who you are no matter what that may be, not only you, but the people around you will feel better about themselves. People will learn to open up and not be ashamed or shy to be excited about the things they like. People will find excuse to laugh and play jokes for a brief moment in the day. They will forget their suits and ties and return to the heart of who they are and what makes them feel happy. It's good to be you, it's good to be silly, go ahead, do it.

With Great Love, Comes Great Pain.

Precious stones, the rich sunsets.
So many beauties
in this earth, to behold.
The slight flutter in your heart
The awe of your mind,
It all seems so small,
When my mind is fixed on you.
An experience more deep
than the mighty ocean tide,
A joy more rich
than the sweetest summer sun,
An excitement more fresh
than a new life just begun.
A fear more piercing
than a step into nothing,
A worry more heavy
than the greatest mountain side.
With great love,
great cares will always stay,
Please remember, when I'm afraid
It is because I live while thinking
of the great amount I love you.


(Dedicated to my papabear)

This one's for you.

Vacation was awesome. Not only was it a beautiful place but, I got to spend a whole week with my baby. I don't think that can be topped. Except for when he comes down here again and I don't have to tell him goodbye and leave him at an airport. The idea of that day becoming a reality seems like a dream. You understand, I'm sure, when you look forward to an event so much that you worry it wont come to pass, you can't do anything but dread all the 'what ifs' you brain feeds you every time you think of those future plans. I don't know how it is for other people, but I fear for things when I'm extremely exited about them. Always afraid something will come up that will spoil my plans. All I can say for this however, I know that I will do everything in my power to make things go smoothly, and pray continually. I know that the God that created this world, can take care of my life. I will put my faith in that.

I've had the rain on my mind a lot lately. I've always been fascinated with the meaning of rain to people through history. Most of our ancestors saw the rain as a reason to celebrate, a blessing to us all. I know most of us now and children hate the rain, they think of it as something that just gets in the way of their plans. Its raining now, as I think about these things. I personally love the rain, we've been in a bit of a drought here in NC, and I'm very happy to see it raining again. There have been lots of crop problems across the US due to the lack of rain, at a very critical time for the farmers. So much that we don't think of depends on rain. Its not just our fruits and veggies, our meat depends on it as well. Without the rain the farmers can't grow the feed to feet the cattle that give us milk and meat. I know a lot of local farmers after working at the farmers market in our city. I know of one farmer I had grown to be friends with, that grows only peaches. He lost his whole harvest this year due to the late frost. He now has no lively hood and is searching for small jobs around town to get him and his family through the year until they can try again next year. What a fickle lively hood, and we don't think anything about them. Support your local farmers, they mean a lot more to your everyday life than you think, and you mean a lot to their families. Try a farmers market if you have one in your town, something everyone should experience, the best produce you will ever have you will purchase there, I promise.

I guess I've had a little more on my mind than I thought, now that I've started. I've been wanting to write a poem, but just cant seem to get it out. I'm starting to think I was simply backed up with thoughts. Mostly, Wesley.. I can't help it, hopelessly in love? yea I think so. I've never thought I wanted to get married, or that I would find someone I would be so in love with. I suppose love even happens to us dorks. I couldn't be happier.