I am generally a very private person when it comes to my spiritual life and what is transpiring within. I feel particularly compelled, however, to share this. In regards to my writing and topic searching I have been praying earnestly to see what it is I am meant to say to the world. As of late, the topic that has been resting heavily on my mind is the character of God. We all know that His character is too multi-faceted to understand, but I know that there are parts we can come to know intimately. These parts He shows us are probably unique to every individual depending on our needs. Not to say His character ever changes, simply implying that He revels the part of Himself to us that we most need to understand and rely on.
I am a very worrisome person. All I usually accomplish in a day is a wagon full of worrying and stress. I know that logically, worrying about something will never change that thing, but I just cannot seem to overcome those natural reactions in my character. I worry about people who are traveling, I worry about the cat I saw on the side of the road, I worry about the person who I last saw showing the smallest sign of discomfort in their face. It doesn't matter who or what, I will worry. I can have a month to write a poem, and I would stress about it every hour of every day. I worry about the government, I worry about where it is going and where it is leading us. I worry about that every day to the point of making myself very stressed and very angry. All that being said, I will progress onto the heart of my story.
I was in my car, driving down the roads I drive almost every day, seeing the same sights. Living in Belmont, you get used to seeing people walking. Everyone in Belmont seems to walk at all hours. It is a very quiet town, and the people are, for the most part, very friendly. On the side of the street, stopped on the side walk I noticed a little girl and her mother. The child appeared to be about 4 or 5, long blonde hair, classic little girl pink frilly clothes. Her mom was kneeling down, and the little girls arms were wrapped around her neck. The child's mouth was turned down in a frown, her face was red, and you could tell she had been crying. I do not know what transpired prior, I only imagine she fell down. Her mom was wrapping her up in her arms and holding her close, she picked her up off her feet, and rocked her. You could see the child's fear subsiding as she clung close around her mothers neck. As I continued by I thought; "It must be a wonderful feeling for that mother, to have a child she loves more than anything. It must be fantastic to know, to one person you are their world and their everything. Her daughter depends on her for everything, Mom can make any situation better, she can make any hurt go away, she can make any worry disappear just by being there. What an amazing feeling it must be, to be the protector, the provider, and the comforting blanket to someone you love. To know that, for a time, you will be their everything." Like a whisper through my mind tricking like water into my heart I hear.. "and that is why I created all of you, that is why I choose to love all of you, and that is why I ask for the faith of a child."
In that moment everything clicked. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard and thought on what it meant to have child like faith in God. It is total dependence, it is letting go, it is holding tight around His neck and knowing that nothing can ever befall you when He is there. He is your comfort, and protector. The things I worry for are better off in His care, not mine. I remember what it was to be a child, to play outside all day and never even dream of worrying about what I had to do tomorrow, or when dinner would be ready or where it would come from. I didn't worry about my dad getting home from work, I knew when 6 o'clock came, he would be there standing in the door way. I had parents to take care of everything I needed, and I had total faith in that, it was a completely alien feeling to worry about anything that was in their hands. Can you remember those feelings? Can you remember crawling into your bed at night and simply falling asleep, not fretting about what tomorrow requires. Everything is already taken care of.
It was an amazing realization to me to know that God wants to be that for us. He did not call himself "Father" and us his children for no reason. He was not mistaken in asking us to have childlike faith. He was being very literal. He wanted us to let go, to step back into that blissful state of being, to live with no fears and no regrets. Our provisions our comfort and our care are all in His hands, and He desires for them to be. He wants to be our refuge and our strength. He wants to hold all the things in His hands that we were trying to protect ourselves. If we can rely on Him like a father, we know he can take much better care of the things we hold dear than we ever could. We break our toys, our parents fix them and dry our tears. How precious is He? How amazing is it to understand what He desires to be towards us? All we have to do is take a step back into His arms and let go.
