My life is full of unflattering revelations. They are like sweater dresses that leave no flaw to the imagination. Conversations and thoughts have been wrought with ideas and convictions that nestle themselves into every little crease of my un-sculpted life. That little extra bulk you carry around on your spiritual-thighs you hope no one sees. That sour outlook and attitude you hope no one remembers.
I recently sat in on a talk about negative thinkers and how they effect our lives. They began to name the different type of negative thinkers: Fearful, Discontented, and Critical thinkers. I was jotting down notes thinking to myself, well we are bound to come across some type of negative thinker that I can say I am not. Well I listened, and I wrote and my name is on the roster for each of these forms of negative thinking. About the time I figured out I was signed up for every one of these hate-clubs I decided it was time to un-sign myself from some of these after school programs.
So.. Easy enough right? think more positively. Well that effects a lot of areas. Fearful thinking for starters is the thoughts of a worrier. I am a worrier I need to know that everyone is home and safe before I can sleep at night, my mind always makes the worst out of an unknown situation. I partly attribute this to being a female as I think we tend to be more prone to worry just because of motherly type instincts. Discontented thinkers, I am typically very content in what I have this one represents probably the least of my areas needing work, but the other definition of discontented thinkers has my face on it. I am extremely susceptible into falling into these bouts of "well it may work for someone else but if I do it, it won't be successful." I think we should rename this section to Emo-Thinkers. Critical thinkers are critical of others and critical of things that happen. I am extremely critical of many situations, I always know how exactly it should have been done and I can do it better. What you aren't like that? liar.
Simple solution. Think positive. Not simple at all. If you monitor your thoughts you will be surprised to see how far out of alignment the wheels of your brain can get after years of this negative approach to life. Put your mind on coast and your car will start veering off to the left at a high rate of speed, plummet down the side of a mountain, and crash in a mushroom cloud of mental shrapnel, and various debris. I have also found that within a very short period of time after deciding to change the way I think (and by relation changing the way I speak and act) how many difficult and trying situations were soon to follow. Like a pack of vultures sitting on a tree limb by a back country road waiting for the family of Opossum to take a minivan to the face. Come on vultures... the opossum is simply trying to better itself.
I have a lot of side questions that go along with this change, but in the spirit of blogging, I am going to attempt to tackle those with my keyboard at a separate date. I will try to analyze my thoughts as they pass through, keep all those which are good at their heart and pass over all those that are not. It is very tempting to hang onto negative thoughts, to pet them, name them, coddle them, and keep them for your very own martyrdom. I don't know why thoughts and feelings from such a negative source make us, as individuals wish to hang onto them. Like that thing that person did to you on that day 5.8 years ago. Why can't we let that go? Why do we hold on to our hurt feelings and our nasty opinions that are a result of those feelings? Why do we cuddle up to the fact that we never get to have anything nice, or nothing ever really works out for us in the long run. "Did you have fun last night?" "Well no, not really .. this, this, and this happened.." Even if we had fun we are more apt to remember and point out every negative aspect of our experience. What is our draw as human beings to this brokenness? Why is it so difficult to give up? Misery loves company - I don't think there has ever been a truer statement.
I will do my best, I probably will fail many times before I succeed. For the love of everything that is Holy, if you catch me on a day where I am failing, don't be judge and jury. Its a process not an over night change. Opossums move relatively slow.
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