I've been going round and round with myself on what to talk about on my blog posts. This morning as i was bumming out watching TV making a total nuisance of myself and taking up as much room as possible, I realized something that has changed in my life as I have gotten older. I was watching a match maker show (don't judge me, I was just too tired to take any actual interest in flipping through channels), and the main character, addressing a shy female she was trying to fix up, said, "Remember, we are the jewels to be admired; we are women." For one reason or another this struck a cord with me. If you know me at all you know I'm a rough and tumble guy, girly on the outside but all tom boy in attitude. I have never had any interest in a guy protecting me or "taking care of" me as his woman. I was brought up by a very strong willed woman who instilled in me, "If he really loves you, he wont buy you things he will wash your dishes!" Ah Mother, your words of wisdom come oft, but sometimes, things are questionable. As a teen and even into my very early 20's (I'm 27 now) I held onto this "I don't need a man" attitude. As I have matured in the relationship aspect of my life I've come to realize, there are many days that I do want to be the jewel that is admired, I do want a man that spoils me on occasion because when he looks at me he sees the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I understand this feeling, I've been with or around people that i love so much, i find myself getting little things here and there for them just so I can see them smile, or laugh, and show that excitement of a small momentary pleasure. It makes you feel wonderful to know that you did something for the one you love and they received it with happiness. Please don't get me wrong on the topic I'm not saying that I want to be unconditionally spoiled for no reason at all, I am talking about it simply as a side effect of the adoration of a person. To go out on special dates that took time and thought to plan, that make you feel different than any other person on the earth, when you know in that moment, you are the most beloved person in your significant others life. As rough and tumble as I may be, I find that as a female (as much as I have tired to hide my girly-girl side) I do seek that, and want that when it really comes down to it. I don't want material things, not all amazing dates have to cost a single penny, not all gifts come from a store, and usually those things that don't make you feel the best. Sometimes I still catch myself feeling guilty for seeking after those sort of feelings, but I have to realize no matter how tom-boy my attitude is, in my heart I'm still just a silly little girl that wants to ware pretty dresses, and be praised for who I am inside, and outside.
I'd be happy to hear from any of you on this subject, wondering if anyone feels the same way as me.
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