A Conflict of Intrests

I have found myself lately, suffering from a huge lack of inspiration. I think it partly stems from attempting to write things that aren't exactly from the heart. Yes, I just used the word "aren't" it's all right, it is totally legitimate, I'm from the south. As I was driving down the street the other day, I was reflecting on my last post thinking to myself, "Wow, I really should remove that, I mean talking about an RPG isn't exactly professional, in any stretched since of the word. I wonder if people who work for game magazines have some similar sort of feeling of shame when they talk about their game addictions." I felt almost as if it were some form of vicious libel against myself, can you actually write libel against yourself? Well if it is possible, I'm most certain that I am guilty.
To change the subject completely, but not totally in my mind, tomorrow I'm scheduled to hit the road and in the spirit of hitting, hit up some news stations with a personal form of solicitation. "Please, please hire me!" I'm nervous about doing this. I've never attempted to market myself for a job before. All the job's I have ever had have been pretty much handed to me by people I know. Or people I know who know people who are hiring. The only downfall about that is, your taking jobs with not only a huge since of obligation and some form of guilt for cashing your pay checks, but you are often doing work that isn't exactly "up your alley." I will freely admit that i am totally inexperienced about a good deal of life that most people experienced well before hitting my age. This seems to be one of those cases. I feel like I got a late start at developing the confidence to create a path of my own. I don't know if everyone experiences the same butterflies I do, and the extreme lack of confidence when it comes down to calling or seeing someone you do not know, and for some reason or another need to impress. I'm not all together sure what to do with myself. "Be confident in your abilities" you say. Well I'm confident in my ability to learn, however my current list of abilities for the type of job I'm seeking is small because, well I've never worked in the news industry. There are very few fields I have worked in. I'm one of those people who sticks with the job they have because they are extremely loyal due to some old school delusion that if you are loyal the company will repay you for that loyalty. Unfortunately it seems this is simply an old wives tale. If they can give you the boot and find someone younger that will work for less, no matter the caliber of your work, get ready for the corporate sole to connect with your blue collar behind.
Well there are my thoughts for today. I have to say I'm a little more satisfied with this post, not being completely synical and snide just isn't me.