The Spaces In Between Life.

The more turbulent my life becomes the more I find myself seeking the out doors. I think I've done more sitting outside staring into the sky in the last week than I have done in the previous year. I go outside to find a quiet place to sit and think without people bothering me with this or that. "Take out the dogs," "so and so isn't coming in to work tomorrow." When I get outside the soft spring breezes seem to not only have a calming effect on my nerves, but seem to carry my thoughts away with them as well. Once out there basking in the warm sun, all those things I had meant to think about until I came up with a solid answer drift away out of my grasp and I am left merely an awe struck spectator of life as it flows around me. I've been wanting to spend as much time as possible outside before the humid NC summer days set in for the duration of the season. I'm regretting more and more that I'm stuck working then 11-5 shift here at work as the whole afternoon is spent indoors staring out two large windows wishing I was outside. When I was a child I spent 85% of my day outside tramping through the woods, running around in the yard, or begging my mom to let me ride my bike up to the local convenience store to stock up on candy. When I became a teen, I shut myself up in my house and chained myself to the computer, thus began the addiction to fragging and leveling. I think in a lot of ways it slowed my life to almost a complete stand still. All my relationships became online as did all of my interests and hobbies. Even after this many years, sitting here at 26 it's difficult for me to turn away some days and move my focus back to the life around me. It is definitely easier to escape to a world of text and pixels were even in the most dramatic situation that little red 'x' is your deus ex machina. The fix that makes everything disappear, and you always have the excuse for yourself, well its just the net I don't need to worry about these things. Perhaps one day I'll figure out the good that came of that portion of my life, I by no means discount or belittle the importance of the people I met during those years, but I do wonder, in the grand scheme of it all, what roll it played.